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Sunday, January 02, 2011

What Happened in Vegas

I shall tempt the boozy party gods and rail against Bacchus' sloshed sacrament, by telling precisely what DID happen in Vegas. I know, I am playing with fire. I am breaking decorum. I am setting myself up for not being invited anywhere because I will reveal all. Not as though, I am a snitch, but that I revel in a good story and I've got to tell it like it is.

The plan to go to Las Vegas was concocted on a last minute. I had a free ticket voucher for anywhere in the lower 48 states. I had no money, and little time to contribute to this venture. Times are harsh. And I had to act fast or my free ticket was to expire. So I naturally thought to go somewhere for New Years Eve. And I picked Las Vegas. I had the idea to go wearing nothing but a tuxedo. Since my trip was to be less than 24 hours, I was to take no bags, no extra clothing, not even a carry on. But just board the plane both ways, and wander the streets and casinos in a tux. But this plan fell through. I couldn't get my hands on one in time. And my short visit to Vegas was to be a cold one. Temperatures dropping to freezing point. So, I'd rather go in a nice warm coat than a thin suit.

I arrived in normal attire. A hole in my blue jeans. And a coat that was definitely warm, but is also a part of the Birmingham Police that I got through...well, another story. I had a pair of nice wing-tips on, but these were borrowed and seeing how my feet were not used to them, they proved to be sort of uncomfortable with lots of walking.

For the first few hours, I found myself feeling a bit bored. I had no money to gamble on. Nor to see any shows. The people watching was not as spectacular as I thought. I mainly amused myself by going from casino to casino and seeing how they differed. I also was pretty tired. I had only slept a few hours the night before, and I was to pull an all-nighter, I desired to rest up. So, I found myself trying to find a suitable spot to lay down for a while. I tried the Luxor and MGM Grand. But could never completely drift off to sleep. Eventually, I found myself walking down the strip in the cold with aching feet, and the thought that i should be drinking something...to at least, make me a little warmer. And hey, it's Vegas.
So I bought a small bottle of gin. And mix it in the soda that i was working on. Pretty nasty, i know.

That's when I make my way into the Mirage. And eventually, I have to go to the bathroom. Now, I am funny on some things, okay, many things. One funny thing is that when I am going to the restroom #2, I like to be alone. So all the crowded restrooms in the casino areas, I avoid. So I wander up into the Conference Center area intent on good solitude. This Men's room was lavish and huge. The lights gleamed from the spic and span floor and there was no one around. I partook of a stall. And somehow while sitting the gin began to kick in a little. And well, perhaps regardless of the gin, I like to sing especially in rooms that have great acoustics, so I began to sing. The Mirage is the casino where they show the Beatles show. So alot of the overhead songs in the building are the Beatles. So I begin to sing along. Just then, a rare person came in, and I still continued to sing. Somehow, this probably WAS due to the gin, i thought this was incredibly funny. And would belt out the songs even louder. That person would leave, and maybe a couple of minutes would pass and then someone else would come in. And the same thing would occur. I was mostly resting my tired feet, but the ironic thought occurred to me, that this is the most fun I've had in Vegas, thus far...sitting on a toilet crooning out songs letting them bounce off the walls and serenading strangers while they peed. And I was amused at this thought. Felt a sudden surge of excitement, that now replaced the tired ennui that was prevalent before. And came out of the Men's Room.
Down the hall, was some large party going on. People decked out in formal attire. Obviously a line to get in with some sort of invitation needed. It was the main ballroom of the Mirage. I approached and just missed an opportunity that someone coming out of a side door left me. The door shut before I could get to it. And it was locked. But this only whetted my desire to get in. I ended up taking the employee's only hall that is usually a labrynth snaking inside fancy hotels. And I cut in, so naturally, through a back door to this elegant ballroom and the Cinderella type festivities going on inside. I was not drunk. People who know me, know that I do this type of thing when I am most sober.

The lights were dim, and the tables were set in elaborate decorations. They served nice finger foods. But I hardly took notice of these for off towards the stage people were dancing and music was playing, so I didn't hesitate at all and jumped out on the dancefloor. Doing all kinds of fancy things with my feet. I am immediately complimented by this older Mexican lady who is dancing with this boy, a relative. And we all dance. Pretty soon, I notice that the floor is opening for me and my dance moves, a circle is formed around me and some people are video taping me dance. A part of me was scolding myself for being so inconspicuous, "Idiot. So much for not being noticed, and blending in." But then the stronger part of me just laughed, "Yes, now this is what its all about." I danced and danced. In groups with different people.
Eventually, I also realized that it was an open bar, and so all drinks were taken care of. So I grabbed some champagne. And guzzled it down. I found out that the party was being thrown by this billionaire, though I do not know the name nor what connections anybody had to this host. It was a diverse set of folks, alot of Hispanics and Asians. And apparently the crowd was big enough that alot of people didn't know other people, enabling any party crashers an easy time.
By the time Count Down was to occur, I had met 2 Asian girls, dancing with both of them, had gotten more refills to my champagne, and was well-respected on the dance floor. I set people laughing from their seats as they watched. And then the countdown occurred and confetti and streamers shot through the air. People hugged and kissed and swayed and clinked their glasses together. The music picked back up, and I was dancing wrapping myself in streamers.

Eventually, the 2 Filipino girls invited me to come with them. And I was obliged. They wanted to go to a lounge at their hotel where some of their friends were. So we walked out. Not a bad party, you walk in uninvited and unknown; you walk out with 2 chicks on either side of you.

I sat in the back of this limo with these 2 Filipino girls for there were no taxis. I found out they were from LA and both into dentistry. They asked me how I was invited to the party. I told them, "Oh, you know...a friend of a friend. And you?"
"Ah, we were personally invited by the billionaire. He was the old man in the red bowtie."

We made it to their hotel and were in the lobby listening to more music and slightly dancing. And eventually we were sitting down at a table waiting for some more of their friends, when I felt a bit different...all that champagne...the room began to spin. And fortunately the girls were talking to each other and didn't notice that I bent over and threw up. Other people noticed and were commenting about it, but not suprised..I mean it is Vegas. And this was not the nastiest vomit, it was the clear, fizzy champagne kind. Even has a classy sheen to it.

I excuse myself, to the bathroom. I still didn't think that the girls had noticed. But I go to the restroom. And then sit down outside in the downfloor hallway trying to collect myself...and yet throw up again. Somebody comes by and places a plastic fedora New Year's hat on my head and says, "Happy New Year!" I use the hat to cover the times that I'd hack more champagne out. At this point, I was too embarrassed to return back to the Asian girls. I went outside and sat leaning against a pillar in some type of flower bed hidden from everyone and threw up some more and just sat there in the cold. Eventually, I thought that I had a pretty good time and that i should probably head back to the airport to catch my early, early flight that morning. I take a shuttle there and sit in the dead airport where no one is at. And there, believe it or not, still getting rid of excess champagne and finding the airport swaying. Eventually, though...I go and check in and get coffee. And sober up completely. Was doing really well on the flights and layover back.

Moral of story: Sing all you want to and as loud as you want. Dance as much as you'd like to and as wild and zany as you can. But go easy when it comes to Drink.


Anonymous JamesBrett said...

disappointed and amused at the same time.

everyone in my house (there were 13 of us) was asleep when it changed years at midnight -- except for me. what was i doing? listening to music and writing my initials on golf balls.

oh, the excitement of rural tanzania.

2:42 AM  

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