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Sunday, October 30, 2005

What All My Education Adds Up To

Oftentimes as an English major I get the question, "What do you hope to do with that?" and sometimes the question, "Just what kind of papers do you English majors write?" So I decided to combine these two very important questions in one answer. Namely, I'm revealing to you a paper that I wrote a few weeks ago for my Advanced Composition class. In it, I had to give a cause and effect essay on why my resume should be looked upon with favor for a particular job that I'm applying for my future career. I had to do a great deal of boasting in it. I had to fit the requirements for my assignment. But through it, i hope to display both the summation of my educational endeavors and the training that we English majors go through with our diligent paper writing. Enjoy.

Ever since I was a child I watched the rodeo with all the wonder that fills a child’s eyes. Ironically it wasn’t the grim cowboy that caught my imagination but the bold and defiant rodeo clown that transformed the entire rodeo ring into a dazzling panorama of wit, panache, and daring goofiness. I believe that my application to your rodeo company should be looked upon with favor because I have these vivacious characteristics embedded within all the entries of my application no matter how different they may first appear from the art of bullfighting.
The jobs that I’ve held in the past have shown me to possess the liveliest spirits in the midst of some of the most darkening times. In Alabama, one of the first jobs that I’ve ever held was grave digging. Most people when they hear of this experience they usually exclaim how morbid this exposure to death should make me. However, burying all sorts of people helped me to realize how life is all just passing us by. No one is excluded. Whether we shy away from dangerous situations or we plunge forward we will all one day be making that six foot journey down into the earth. A person might as well learn to laugh his way through life’s dangerous situations and mix a good guffaw with every breath that he’s allotted. Such an attitude should be central to a rodeo clown’s mentality.
The hobbies that I have listed also reveal a very capable and potential rodeo clown. The more adrenaline rush I experience, the more enjoyable time I have. One of my favorite pastimes growing up was what I termed “rent-a-cop running”. This was a little game that I used to play with the mall security in the woods next to my neighborhood. They would chase anybody who trespassed in these woods. So I would enjoy taunting them and getting them to chase me. Such an exercise utilized my mind and legs in such inventive ways that I would not now be even considering applying for a rodeo clown position, if it wasn’t for this knowledge of how well I’m acquainted with both my mental and physical potential. One of the most important attributes that a rodeo clown should possess in order to stay alive would be the ability to think on one’s feet quickly and efficiently. Those long summer days in the woods on mall property trained me to have this ability to a sharpened degree. No one could dodge a Mounty-hatted security officer better than I, and no one can dodge a raging bull while making the crowd erupt with laughter as well as I could.
One of my extracurricular activities during both high school and college that shaped my gifts that would be priceless for a professional rodeo clown was my pursuit in the art of mascoting. The stadium would be filled with impatient fans and I would have to entertain them all in the disguise of a burdensome animal costume. I was clown of the entire football arena and I knew how to work them for a good laugh and for a good cheer. This ability is highly important when rodeo-clowning. Another consideration with the mascot was how through Harding University I was made to be a big bison. I had to put on the persona not only of a clown, but also of a bull. I had to become one with the bull. This dual nature is radically true for a rodeo clown as well. The rodeo clown must get in touch with his own inner bull as well as his inner clown. He must know the spirit of the animal that wants to gore him in order to escape this goring. As Buff the Harding Bison, I learned how to be both the bull and the clown.
Lastly, I know what it’s like to be attacked by a bull. It’s happened twice in my life and one time the bull succeeded in connecting. The first time I was working on a farm outside Searcy helping to feed a baby bull. Yes, I know that a baby bull can sound deceptive; however, any bull is big enough to crush the biggest man. I was trying to feed the tyrannical toddler when he went into a fit and swung his large horned head at me. I sufficiently parried his lunge with his own feeding pan. Horn and pan went “clang” and corn flew everywhere. I laughed at the mean beast and quickly chided his temper tantrum. The other time, was when I was in the bison suit as mascot for our Homecoming game. Harding University has the tradition to have a real bison out grazing around the field during a football game for Homecoming. Well, I was there doing my awesome job of mascoting. The bison mascot mask had my vision blocked to a minimum. All that I could see out of were two little holes. I was shaking hands with some kids through the fence at the stands when I felt as though one of the football players had punched me. I turned around and there through the eye holes was the beastly snort of an irate bison bull glaring at me. Did I shudder? Did I fear? Not hardly. I laughed and quickly retreated, all the while sending the kids who saw the whole incident into explosions of laughter. I do not think that there is any clearer incident where a person has his own great potential as a rodeo clown glaring at himself than in this story.
Scholars say that music to Mozart was an innate ability. Biographers say that Michelangelo was a great painter even before he picked up his first paintbrush. I really believe that rodeo clowning is something that is just waiting to be poured out of me. These life experiences have revealed this to me. I really believe that if you hire me for your rodeo I could be one of the greatest rodeo clowns in the circuit.

That's it. I got a C+ on the paper, mostly due to my excessive wordiness (can you believe that) and all my grammatical errors. (who cares about details? It's the theme, man, the theme where potential lies.) I'm not really applying for a job in a rodeo. But I've thought about it. I actually have a distant cousin whose quite the star as a rodeo clown. Anyway, I'm glad I could clear a few things up and maybe persuade a few of you to become English majors.


Anonymous Meg said...

expect mail :)

10:13 PM  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...

I left a response...it disappeared. I had added your link on my blog, but I am going to remove it - just like my message was removed.


P.S. it said, perhaps you should go into rodeo clowning instead of writing/english.

9:31 PM  
Anonymous LongingforAlaska said...

Brain, I thought I saw you the other day in Kansas City. But it wasn't you. It was your doppleganger with a belly. Of all the people I would bumpo into, in this whole world, not expecting to meet someone, it would be you.

10:10 PM  
Blogger Brian Harrison said...

Sorry flamingo, I thought that you were insulting me. I had a bad day. And I thought that you were just adding to it by telling me that I would definitely be better at rodeo clowning than writing. Maybe I'm just oversensitive. That was rude. Sorry.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Brian Harrison said...

Okay, longingforAlaska, I am drawing a blank as to who you are. I don't think I know a soul that was in Kansas City the other day and that longs to go to Alaska. Enlighten me, please.

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Meg said...

Um, well, it seems that i've lost that little red piece of paper that has what makes it necessary to send it.heh. yes, address. opps, what can i say, im a bit disorganised, anyhow, rather than zapping back a witty observational comment on each impressive piece of writing placed on your site, I will leave you this and say..keep in touch you great dane and stay facinated with life! it deserves it. "Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humor and passion" - Sir Thomas Browne. * ^^Eg@n-

8:06 PM  
Anonymous blondlikebrian said...

Oh, I think you know whom longingforalaska is, for he is I. It is amazing how the high and mighty forget their friends. Especially those who shared in so many adventures, adventures listed in this blog. Think deeply about my name for I am sure you will figure it out just like you figured out nana.

~the artist formerly known as longingforalaska

9:16 PM  
Blogger Brian Harrison said...

Now I don't feel so badly for losing that other sheet of paper...for you are likewise guilty. I hope you are doing alright. I like that quote of yours.

2:17 PM  
Blogger Brian Harrison said...

Will Dockery!!! I completely forgot about our dying plans to go to Alaska. (or maybe I figured that you didn't long to go after all.) I mean, as you remember I was the one who didn't back out.
So why in the world do you go all the way to Kansas City and not come back to Searcy to visit? Many nights about 10 or 11 I think back to those times up in the information office. Such times of maddening mirth. -And as I wipe a happy tear away,I sigh to myself, "Those were the good ole days." Come back to Searcy sometime. This place is killing me.

2:24 PM  
Blogger папа said...

Rent-A-Cop Running - $0/annually
High School Mascot - $0/annually
Grave Digger - $15,000/annually
College Mascot - $0.00/annually
Rodeo Clown - $25,000/annually

Things are looking up!

I liked the word picture "Mounty- hatted security guard" I would have given you a "B" simply for that image alone.

4:35 AM  
Blogger DJG said...

I would hire you if ever I needed a rodeo clown!

2:33 PM  
Blogger Serena said...

Really funny! I would get someone to proofread before turning in papers, though. I proofread my husbands papers. If he turned them in as they were, they would not get as good a mark, I'm sure. He is always ahead of his hands while typing and I have to figure out the things he left out and correct grammar and spelling. It always helps to have someone else proofread. I do not catch my own errors as well. You would have probably got a better grade if you had edited and proofread carefully.

7:07 AM  

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