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Saturday, April 02, 2005

A Blind Boy's Dictionary

Words…the breath of our relationships. Without them our ties wither and die. With them we give meaning to our lonely sighs, and thus our hearts with words unify. In romance this is doubly so. So now in the midst of two situations where words are non-existent, I have killed one prospect, purposively by silence. Ironically, I shhh-d conversation with the library girl. The other imaginary notion, I watch it never to be born, because all words disappear whenever she appears. I know this is confusing, but in honor of my lack of words….I have compiled a dictionary that will best define my current state of turbulent affairs. Note: These words are by no means in alphabetical order but rather in chronological order that they may help verbalize my muddled-up heart and head. My problem is the absence of words….with one, I don’t speak…..with the other, I can’t speak. Now let me give appropriate study of that which I lack and of their implications of which I wish I lacked. –And may we both gloat over this glossary.
Typical Dating Scenario- (n.) the curse of romanticism; the bane of the unpredictable; boredom at its finest; everything charmed and beautiful in people thinned-out and filtered into moderate little doses that prevents and wards off anything truly captivating from taking place.
New Crush-(n.) a jarring, grinding sensation taking place somewhere in the inner gears of one’s heart of hearts. It’s usually first noticeable when you say or do something clever or neat and you wonder what so-and-so would think if they saw you say or do that clever and neat thing. That person which you catch yourself thinking of in this way is usually your new crush.
Quick-(adj.) describes an extreme person driven from one person to another; whereas one month he’s thinking of one particular girl, the next he’s head-over-heels for another girl who not only has a boyfriend, but happens to be one of the best friends, of yet another girl he had it bad for last semester, who’s now in Africa.
Stupidity-(n.) the illogical and unclear act of being “quick” (see above definition), but followed also by the irrational tendency to do all this zigzag business when you don’t truly know any of these girls at all.
Insanity-(n.) to act when one is in the grip of “stupidity”(again, see above), which usually involves unconventional ways, sonnets, and the like to get their attention. Luckily, I have not descended down to this point in my current situation yet.
Cowardice-(n.) my present safe haven where I’m enclosed in a cove of turmoil and raging waters…but still silent.
Confusion-(n.) the state of things after everything’s said and done; my selfhood aura which I’m continually in and which I, no doubt, spread to all other parties involved.
Victim-(n.) an unfortunate position to be in; it’s not really clear on who wears this role more snugly. Sometimes it’s them. Many times it’s me. It seems like you can’t interact with anyone these days without there being one of these. No broken relationship is complete without one.
Good Stories-(n.)(pl.) the only attainable product from all these definitions which is of any use, and which after all the inner conflict and loneliness can still deliver a smile and a chuckle.
There you have it….my thesaurus of the thumping heart. A person experiences so much with his heart, that he can only turn around and become an etymologist of the pain and confusion, giving names and tenses to every shatter that his heart’s both experienced and caused. Those who adore passionately inscribe their own jaded terminology.

3 Comments:

Blogger Jovan said...

Brian,

Buddy I think you have defined how I was at many points in my young life. If i owned a baseball team and i was looking for a game one world series pitcher, you would be it... you're a starter ... not a closer. There will always be someone who's prettier, funnier, wittier, more adventurous and whole lot of other betters than whoever it is your dating at the time. your job is to find that person... then you're set! =P

love ya brother

12:54 PM  
Blogger Jovan said...

Brian there's hope for us yet. Read my latest post.

Blog On!

3:30 PM  
Blogger Britt said...

you're such a brilliant writer.....don't you want to do some of my English essays for me?

11:25 PM  

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