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Saturday, April 08, 2006

Outside the Picket Fence

Where shall I begin? Where shall my long, long story take off that is to be an epic in its own right? The beginning goes way back to when I was searching for that which I always deemed myself to have. Throughout the last couple of months of my life I have noticed how foreign and vague the person and character of Christ was both to my life and in my life.

I've prayed to this person, I've sang about this person, I've worn T-shirts about this person, and I've even baptized in the name of this person. But how strange is this figure, and how awkward does the whole world and all of history look upon this character who has indisputably, to both the believer and the unbeliever, forever changed the world.

I have been blessed in my life to have friends and family who have placed this figure as the centerpiece of their values and lives. And I've been remarkably blessed in my life to undergo experiences that would further propel any honest believer into an earnest faith. -And its not as though the faith I walked in the past was not faith at all, as though I am coming to a 'real' belief of my own. It is just that of all the blessings that I have had, I truthfully believe that this character of Christ should be less of an enigma and more of a lifestyle with me.
I am one of those whose itching mind races to catch up to his heart. For if there was the slightest tinge of belief in my heart, why was there such inconsistencies in my life? My actions, my thinking, my desires, my behavior, my fears, my tongue, and even my joys were all tangled in a heap of disjoint to that small, twinkling faith of my heart.

If there was such a man that I followed who gave waters that one should never thirst again, but their lives should spring into a well of water surging up to eternal life, then why is it that I thirst so much? What is this other water on my lips that I've drunk and drunk and still remain insatiate.

My life has been lived as a sponge, me soaking up water into a discontent mouth. I of all people...thirst. I bear the trophy of a parched throat. The chalice that I've been holding must have cracks in it. Or its chalked full of rocks. What do I keep searching for?

Books...My eyes ache from going through them.
Girls...My heart and lips ache from going through them.
Experiences...My speech is a fairy tale in the making.
Travels...My heels have slapped the dust of many nations.
Nature...I've called myself her child but my allergies tell me otherwise.
Wisdom...I've bruised my head on this pillar, not seeing it but feeling it.
Love...My heart strikes to this poignant music, but I sing the note way off key.
Life...I bathe and flow down this stream waiting for it to pour into the ocean.
My soul's vaulting testimony rings loud through the day and on through the night,
"I thirst. I thirst. I thirst." I have called upon the high season of adventure; I've clapped the bell for exalted hopes and moonshot dreams. I've ridden on winged inspiration up towards the sun in all its glory and I've come down; only to find that my eyes hunger for the horizon and my heart thirsts.

-And yet some old documents tell me that there was a man that walked 2,000 years ago who said all those who believe in Him will never thirst again. Now more than ever, I ask the question, "Who was or is this man?" that nearly all my life has been an attempt to follow? Or at least give some sort of respect towards. This one man who long ago taught, who healed, who died, and who still lives...and all of creation is surrounded by and created through this person...who is He? The mystery is intriguing, this message engaging, and bottomline, though however selfish or melodramatic it may be....my soul is thirsting.

So I prayed and prayed and read and read, hoping to see more of this person.-And then I ended up leaving Tennessee and what I began to realize and see as I went westwards...well, I guess you'll have to wait...for that will be a long blog in itself.

2 Comments:

Blogger Rizzle said...

He is a man who lived completely selfless. He put his creation before his own pain, his own life, his own rights and priviledges as creator. He is a man who asks people to live bigger than thier own experiences, travels, loves, and thirsts. In his life, and more appropriatly in his death and new life he gives every man reason to live as he did...no, 'reason' is not enough to describe. He gives every man the ability to live a life like his. One filled with purpose (love), one filled with hope (redemption), one filled with grace (for ourselves and for others), one filled with life (now and forever). We find our thirst quenched in living for something bigger, in living for this odd and mystereous man and then in turn by living for his creation that he has charged us to love as he loves.
But what am I typing for? You know all this.

9:57 PM  
Blogger Greg Wakefield said...

It seems as though this has been the challenge for many...Paul would recognize the struggle b/c he's the one who explains it in Galatians. There is a battle...no a war going on within us all. It's a war for supremacy. I think we, all too often, fear the war, when it's the war that makes us stronger and hardens our resolve. This war, is it a curse? I think not...it's just a sign of life, true life that desires to push through the dirt that surrounds it and blossom into a beautiful flower.

I think the most wonderful part of this whole process is the fact that God allows us to go through it. What patience, grace, and mercy! So embrace the struggle (don't give into it) knowing that God will work through it to grow and strengthen you.

6:21 AM  

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