I wanted to know that God cared individually for me. For along while now I was dead to such a concept. I wanted to know that He provides in all cases. I wanted to wring from the religion that was given me every truth and brand it upon my heart. I wanted to know that if I let God, he would use me. I wanted to know this Christ, His presence, His power, and His healing. -And furthermore, in all selfish manner, I wanted to do a little traveling and experience a little adventure and definitely escape the pollen season that was contaminating my beloved southland.

Like I've said before the person of Christ is hard to grasp. However anyone with any eyes if seeing can witness God. Nature scribes its own vibrant testimony. The trees signify His presence. Every blade of grass brandishes His dominion. And the sky in all its grandeur prostrates itself before some barely glimpsed glory. One can understand the magnificance of God, but His unswerving love, if easy to intellectually assume,I found this world-turning news difficult to be thoughtful of. And perhaps, it is because I had not struggled enough within. Most of what I write now was entirely embedded in my subconscious. If asked if Christ died for my sins, I would immediately reply, "Of course". But the secret, undetected ways our minds work, and by what dug-in ruts that our thinking goes...there is much to be said that isn't said. And there is much thinking that we are unaware of. What I mean to say is that we all have processes in our thinking at which we relate to ourselves, others, and the entire world. For most of us, these processes are way off base towards plain and simple truth. Our churches have a way of emphasizing the end results of Christ in our lives, or what that's supposed to look like that the actual renovation is rarely mentioned -And I'm not just talking about the "biggies" like how an alcoholic never tastes a swig in his life again, but I'm talking about the way that our faithless, however seriously-doctrinated, minds can one day stand admist rough waters and have hope beyond compare. I'm talking about the despised person, whose self-loathing, is eating at him and can turn around and love others unconditionally. -Things unseen but how powerfully felt. My prayer was that God revealed more of His son to me and that I could be used in whatever way. For it is only through a final deduction that this Christ, whom we worship, is the only turning point that all individuals, however low, however assumed mature, how from whatever dim cave we catch a glimpse of light out of, or from whatever pinnacle we stand and look down at creation that through Him all of us can truly and magnificently grow. -And I wanted to grow.

Let me cut to the chase and say this...that if a person asks to see Christ in his or her life, beyond a doubt, such an appearance will come to that person. It will not necessarily come in the form of a yell, cry, or even a whisper. But in my experience He will come clearly shown in the form of other people.

I was worried about money...before my trip, a christian gave me money and I didn't have to worry about money any longer.
I needed a friend to talk to...when I went through Harding, I was overwhelmed at how many friends I had to talk to.
I needed laughter...God let me visit my old friends to rehash some old times and I even camped out on the University Gym for old times sake.
I needed a coach and mentor....God made me welcome in a home upon passing through Oklahoma for a couple of nights.
I wanted to be used in any capacity...God led me to people where my story could get them to open up their stories...and God allowed me to help out at a homeless shelter while in Tulsa...and God allowed me (coincidence, I think not) to talk to some young people who were about to embark on the same missionary program that I was in years before.
I wanted to be among Christians...everywhere I looked from Harding (obviously) to Tulsa to a campground around Houston, Texas, I was in the midst of godly people.
I needed a place to leave my car in order to travel without it...An elder at a church in Houston without hesitation told me that it would be at his house while I was gone.
I wanted to see Jesus......I did. I saw Him in my friend Chris Campbell who spontaneously prayed, laying his hand on me, in his college dorm room. I saw Him in the Thornton's in Tulsa who had taught their kids to give mysterious guests hugs before they went to bed each night. I saw Him in a group of young minorities down in Texas town. But my story doesn't end here; there's plenty more to go.

So let the moral of this long-to-compose account be that just how important Others are in our christian walk, that if our eyes itch to see this man, Jesus, watch...and you'll see people whom you thought ordinary begin to glow with an ethereal light.